barbermonger: a one on one roleplay search forum

WELCOME TO BARBERMONGER
WHAT IS BARBERMONGER?

BARBERMONGER is a site designed to help roleplayers find other roleplayers, specifically one-on-one roleplayers, as opposed to larger roleplay games. Functioning like a pinboard, BARBERMONGER allows users to create advertisements, bump advertisements, and respond to other advertisements, without requiring them to register an account. However, registering an account will allow you to edit your posts, find your own topics, and use the private messaging system.

HELPFUL LINKS:

BARBERMONGER RULES
REGISTER AN ACCOUNT
TODAY'S ACTIVE TOPICS
MEMBERS
SEARCH WITH JCINK
SEARCH WITH GOOGLE



 
Add Reply
New Topic
New Poll

 Therapy-and-me, Diary Detailing Depression Treatment
GemShep
 Posted: Apr 25 2016, 02:59 PM
Quote

Newbie
Group: Members
Posts: 4
Joined: 22-April 16

Status: Offline

Awards:




    You’re a week out from finals. You’ve finally convinced those around you that yes, you might have a problem. You’re irritable, you can't focus. The entire semester has been hell on earth for you and you know you should’ve done less while working, but you didn’t. You’re the sort of person who wants to do everything and do it right.

    The person that is sub-par and self-aware enough to realize it. Sentient dirt.

    (I mean that, of course, in jest.)

    Approximately six days ago you were diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder. There were no tears, no big revelations that came with finally having a name for what you feel. It's all chemicals to you, so instead you shrugged, nodded, and said, sounds about right.

    Not that you didn't know prior to the visit. You knew, you knew because you tried to cure it yourself but you couldn't.

    You could wank, of course, but there’s little satisfaction. Sex never brought you much to begin with, so that’s out of the question. You tried self-medicating. 5-HTP! St. Johns Wort! Valarian Root! All over the counter and self-help guru approved! But it all left you feeling tired, drizzled out, bored. It didn’t help you focus on the two things that are important to you anymore, nor did it help cinch for you how essential it is to time-manage yourself.

    So she wrote down Wellbutrin and slapped it on the proverbial fax machine.

    “It can cause weight loss, you might not sleep well.”

    As it is you got too much sleep. Constantly desiring it, shutting out the world and whatever demons came in. It wasn’t personal demons, either. No little voices that said you weren’t worth it, nor up to snuff. Just little things that crept into your mind, like, oh, if you don’t do this, the consequences would be bad, but, really, who cares. The demons didn't bring you down, they simply made tea for your apathetic ass.

    It was the apathy that scared you.

    The first day you felt buzzing. Wellbutrin can cause that, buzzing. You sat in the computer lab at your university, all too aware you needed to submit your timesheets and work, too. You couldn’t focus, somewhere in the lines of what you were writing and what you were capable of there were mixed signals and the very idea of trying to study with another human as though it would keep you on track was awful. A horrible idea.

    But she did say day one meant nothing. It would take, on average, a week or two to begin to even feel its affects.

    But you knew right away it was working when you tried to lie down that night and couldn’t rest, and when you had your first dream after ages of not dreaming. It was horror, filled with death and decay and you waved at it because it was an old friend.

    Because they were your only friends.
PM
^
GemShep
 Posted: Apr 25 2016, 04:18 PM
Quote

Newbie
Group: Members
Posts: 4
Joined: 22-April 16

Status: Offline

Awards:




    It is now the 20th of April and you’ve got senioritis without being a senior. You’re sick of the semester, but not because you didn’t enjoy being back. It’s because you’re sick of being watched.

    It's day two of Wellbutrin and you notice another symptom, drymouth. And, does coming to a fresh understanding of Psycho himself listed in the side effects, or is that just another facet of your weird abnormality? Given it's not on the little orange bottle, you assume the latter.

    You still possess a nickel-and-dime’s worth of rebellion at your very adult age of 25.

    You wonder why it took so long for those around you to accept it. Someone with a degree had to say it first, and now your S/O is sympathetic, doing research, and apologizing for not understanding prior. Not apologizing, saying, I’m sorry.

    In the words of Demetri Martin, there’s a big difference between saying I’m sorry at a funeral and saying, I apologize.

    “You didn’t seem sad.” Was the excuse you heard. You stare, unblinking. It is a failure of the English language to have the word depress mean too many things at once.

    de·press
    dəˈpres/
    verb
    1.
    make (someone) feel utterly dispirited or dejected.
    "that first day at school depressed me"

    2.
    push or pull (something) down into a lower position.
    "depress the lever [kronk]"

    The mental illness refers to the second, while everyone always assumes the first. You didn’t feel sad, you felt nothing, and that was the problem. It’s hard to be motivated when you don’t feel it. It’s hard to move when you don’t care much to. It’s hard to see ahead when there’s very little payout to be had. The payout is slim because you feel bullied into grades you don’t care to get. Because being there and trying, after dropping out, isn't good enough.

    It’s been three years and you’re back at university because you decided you wanted it. Your S/O supported you*, you went, but then your S/O wanted to micro-manage your grades, too. You colored a smidgen out of the lines and now it’s all broken. To you, that’s fine – a little mistake here or there, it’s a part of the learning process, a part of the first semester back. To them, it’s death itself.

    Or they treat it so dramatically.

    In the words of Norman Bates, “We’re all in our private traps.”

    It’s what you told yourself, that you could handle work, housework, school, home, and the stress of having a social life.

    “Clamped in, and none of us can ever get out.”

    “Sometimes, we deliberately step into those traps.” She said.

    “I was born in mine, I don’t mind it anymore.” Bates replied.

    “Oh but you should, you should mind it.”

    “Oh I do,” You reply, “I just say I don’t.”


    *Because if you hadn't gone your S/O would have left you.
PM
^
GemShep
 Posted: Apr 25 2016, 08:57 PM
Quote

Newbie
Group: Members
Posts: 4
Joined: 22-April 16

Status: Offline

Awards:




    It is day three now of Wellbutrin. Or as you like to call it: "Well, but, in--" (you dropped the R to make the discomfort people have to psyche drugs funny). Your drymouth has evolved into the Sahara desert. It seems the little connection between your receptors that know you just downed a litre bottle of sparkling water you purchased from the Diamond Fred Meyers on a whim and the part of your brain that shouts, 'get lit!' aren't communicating.

    Your dreams were weird as hell, but you're one step closer. It is the day before you decide to test Wellbutrin and see if you enjoy writing again. In the mean time you're not able to attend work and instead sit in a computer lab contemplating mood.

    You have one.

    It's been a long while, you think, sipping the last bit of water from your bottle and knowing that your bladder, which shrank to the size of a baseball, would force you down the hall of your study building and into the bathroom. The bathroom with the big mirror on the right hand side, the one you have ignored for three months but today, today you have a mood.

    A flutter.

    Now the cause of this flutter is young and naive and it makes you on the spectrum of 'so gay', as it happens to be when gender F likes another gender F(though you've known this which is why you like to make it funny for yourself). Given this is not your S/O you decidedly ignore it but all the same you high-five that flutter in your heart because it means it's onto something: emotions. Like a hormone riddled teenager who doesn't want to rise from their bed your emotions have decided to kick off the covers and groan. They still refuse to move (even as you show your emotions the sacrifice you're making by living in a toilet seat due to how much you drink water now), but they are at least looking at the ceiling. It's all you can ask for as you take the final steps in finishing the last paper you'll ever write in that semester.

    You've also noticed an increase of nausea but that could be one of two things: Wellbutrin working, or Wellbutrin side effect. The biggest indicator you ever had for physical stress was vomiting, which means by this point in your life you have a weird relationship with the toilet who takes everything from you and doesn't complain. Your only friend, really.

    But you leave it at that.
PM
^
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:

Topic Options
Add Reply
New Topic
New Poll


 


 

AFFILIATES
Shadowplay Roleplay Gateway Fragile Things


skin created by they-go of RCR, CAUTION, they go and wombat designs